Letting go.
It's something that I think everyone struggles with from time to time. In your standard life, letting go can lead to a lot of things. Freedom from whatever is holding you down. Knowing whether someone or something is right for you. Less stress or anxiety. The list goes on. By letting go, one allows the world to work on it's own. It's about relinquishing control. Control.
Hm...there's that control thing. It's a big issue for a lot of people. When you let go and give up control, you take the chance of being hurt. Of allowing others to hurt you. This is difficult.
I know it is for me. Outside of riding but it's amazing how much this relates to my riding as well. I have a hard time "letting go" while I ride. With my mind going 1000 miles per hour, it's amazing the amount of scenarios I can think of that can go wrong. Even something as simple as cantering. I grip, I hold, I pick up, almost as if to carry my horse. Instead of him carrying me.
But when does control start to cause damage? That is when
needing to have so much control that it eliminates any trust. Any rider knows you HAVE to trust your mount. You just have to. This is a 1000 plus beast with a mind of his own and if needed, the body and will power to do what it wants. Prey animals with super flight instincts. But these animals trust US and grant us the freedom of riding them. Of loving them. Of forming these bonds and friendships with them. In return, they require us to care for them and give them the chance to be trusted.
I had an epiphany yesterday. I haven't been letting go. I have not been giving my horse the chance to be trusted. America has done NOTHING but save my butt multiple times. I have never had a bad fall off of him. The worst thing he has ever done was give me a half assed buck one time because he was hurting. It was so pathetic I had to ask if that was a buck. Sometimes he's a little fast. But in turn, the more I hold back my trust for him, the less he trusts me. That is something that just can't happen.
We went on a much needed trail ride yesterday. Three hours long! It was amazing. We haven't been able to go on a trail ride for longer than 30 minutes without having something to set us off. My nerves get wound up and I have to go back to the barn by myself. But we did it. We even went by the scary windmill and a fire. At first, I was nervous. But I was consciously thinking about relaxing so I think that helped. A lot of times when we walk up and down hills, i shorten my reins and hold on to his face like I am going to pick him up and walk him up the hill myself. Total dumb. It's a complete nervous, control thing. But I did something. I let him go on a long rein. Sat back and let him figure it out himself. You know what happened???
He didn't even trip or fall or stumble in the least bit. He also walked down or up at a much nicer pace, than the stumbly speed walk he does when I am holding on to him. It was like a lightbulb lit up in my head.
I really need to try to remember this trail ride and those moments. And how it felt to just let him go. How much more relaxed he was which in turn made me more relaxed and vice versa. It was pleasant and relaxing and fun!
I figured I would share this moment because I thought others might be able to learn from it as well. And because I can now read over this as many times as necessary to get it into my head. My horse is amazing, he loves me and trusts me and I owe it to him to let him go! Or else we will forever be stuck in this same place. He's too awesome for that!
So I want for anyone who reads this, to think. If there are those moments you feel your insides curling up and you've got that urge to clamp down with your legs and choke up on those reins, if this is a moment that you know deep inside that everything is ok, I want you to inhale and exhale a few times. Think about letting that exhale draw the nerves out of your body and relax. Let the reins go. Let your legs hang and BREATHE!
And I will do the same!
